NRA Loves Knives on Planes

The Transportation Safety Administration announced last week it will now permit small knives to be carried aboard aircraft. Only knives with small blades that do not lock in place are permissible under the new policy.

Critics of the TSA, many of whom have had tiny scissors and big bottles of shampoo abruptly confiscated by the agency in the past howled in derision at the new policy of allowing actual small weapons on aircraft, but in a rare show of support for government rulings, the National Rifle Association stood 100% behind the change.

"The only person who can stop a bad guy with a Swiss Army knife is a good guy with a Swiss Army knife," NRA head honcho Wayne LaPierre proclaimed in a press conference. LaPierre went on to say that the NRA with be pushing legislation requiring all airline passengers to carry small, ineffective knives on every flight.

The Republican-dominated Kansas Legislature has rejected a bill that would have banned strip bars, lap dancing and mud, Jell-o and pudding wrestling statewide.Veteran political operative Joe Redstate immediately hailed the decision as further evidence that the Republican Party is pulling out of the War on Women.

"Wipe that liberal smirk off your face. Any lap dancer in the country would be happy to wake up in Kansas today, knowing that here are no legal hindrances to her grinding her perfect little bottom up against the crisp polyester on the north end of a Republican's inseam for twenty bucks a song. We love that. Do you hear me, liberal media? Republicans love women! Especially when they're doing friction dances!"

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